drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
