I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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