I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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