I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
