At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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