my phone needs a breathalizer
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
