I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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