so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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