i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
