I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
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