she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
