and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Randomize
