names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I just gift wrapped bread.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
