I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
