Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
