when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
