I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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