I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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