I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
