remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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