what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
