I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
