Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
