at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
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