Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
