you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
