I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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