Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Randomize
