so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
