My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
