Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I want a musical about memes.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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