We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Randomize
