my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
