Plan B is the new Plan A
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Randomize
