i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Randomize
