Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
