White coat. Heels.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Randomize
