I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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