Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
