Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
