How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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