My friends, they love my intelligence
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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