Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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