My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Randomize
