Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
