Midget sex pt 2 tonight
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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