so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Randomize
