I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
