i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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