Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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