Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Randomize
