This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
You need Xanax blowdarts
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Randomize
