Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
