I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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