I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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