I can feel you judging me through the phone.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Randomize
