YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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