You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
